he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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