i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
