i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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