just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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