You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
