Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
