She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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