You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he shaved USA in his pubs
He uses pillows to masturbate.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
