She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
