so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
