break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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