he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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