I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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