there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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