we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
