You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
