I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
