You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize