there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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