if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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