Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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