we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
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At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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