Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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