Can i not drive my cunt home
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
