I need help removing her.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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