Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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