I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
