My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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