she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
