who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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