Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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