No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
