Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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