dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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