I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
