I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
