She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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