Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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