Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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