We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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