I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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