they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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