i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
