Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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