I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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