As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
