why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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