just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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