Yo dont text me then not text me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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