Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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