he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
