He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
