you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
