The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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