I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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