he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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